The Origin Of Love

There is a land now fallen silent that once teamed with motion. Fluid motion, skillfully coreographed, precisely executed, beautiful to behold. And in this land there once poured forth a beautiful and enchanting music. Free, flowing, melodic, moving. The people who once lived here were happy and carefree. They laughed and they sang and they frolicked about. But for all their joy they knew not of love. They lacked the one emotion. And none knew why.

None knew why they lived in small houses in groups of three or four. None knew why some swelled up and burst forth with another child. And none knew why.

The peaceful bliss was soon ended. And with the bliss went their ignorance. Outsiders began exploring. Clothing was introduced and makeup and vanity and greed and theft and hate and disease. And suddenly they all knew why.

With the darkness that came there came a great pressure to leave. To find somewhere else that was like the old land. To find some way to forgive themselves for allowing this to happen. Yet they realized their past was lost. And they all knew why.

Split up and wandering, each in turn remembered the carefree days of song, and joy, and mirth. In that moment each sensed a new emotion- one of strong desire and high regard. And in that moment love was felt. And the reason for the peaceful previous existance was known.

Although each may continue to wander, searching for their lost companions they at least carry the memory of the land that is now silent. And they carry the songs. And they carry love. And that wandering creates hope and spreads love. And we all should know why.

The origin of love.

A Close Call

Tonight I went out to a dance with friends. It was alot of fun. Afterwards, a bunch of us all went out for some greasy food. We created a stir to say the least. It was a stir because we went into a truckers joint and because of who we were. I was with gay men, lesbians, and others and they were all dressed in various semi-halloween get-ups (lots of make-up, corsets, leather collars, etc.) One other person and myself went in formal gowns (jewels, long gloves, sashes- the works). The staff at this burger joint were very accommodating and extremely nice. 
I wish the same could be said for the other patrons. As we were checking out a nearby table was quite loudly making guesses as to my gender. I was just going to ignore them and leave but one of my friends wouldn't have it. He went up to the table and asked them if they would like for him to just tell them the answer so they could stop guessing. They hummed and hawwed but said they would like to know. So he gave them a dumbed down version of sex vs. gender. They apologized for being rude.
A second table was being just as loud except they were being very degrading in their comments. My friend approached that table too. He told them that their loud judgements were extremely offensive. They asked him "who the fuck are you?" He responded that he was someone who was "judging the fuck out of you for judging the fuck out of them, but I'm not going to be verbal about it."

I love my friend.

(Thanks Kyle!!!)

Gender Fun

So today I went out grocery shopping. And I decided that I would also have a little fun with gender while doing so. The results were comical at best and angering at the worst.

I wore a simple outfit- nothing too showy and nothing too bizarre. It was a pair of white jeans with a white athletic shirt, a pair of sandals and a light purple sarong tied on around the waist. Nothing offensive.

While shopping, I had many many other shoppers looking me up and down. It was obvious that they were double checking because my lower half and my head didn't seem to go with my chest (or should I say lack thereof?). No, I did not even try to create an image of having breasts or cleavage. There were several couples out shopping and the husband would give me a double look causing the wife to give her husband a pissed-off look until she also got a look at me. Then she would look me up and down as well. Of course, I was just going about my normal purchases the whole time and didn't let on that I knew I was being watched.

As I was checking out at one store the cashier didn't know how to interact with me. She stared the entire time and did as much as she could without talking...which made it comical because I wrote checks so the cashier had to talk to me in order to process the check.

At the second store I went to as I was walking down the aisle an employee walked past me. At first she just gave me the one-over and kept pace going by...I knew she wasn't satisfied though so I turned my head just enough so I could catch her out of the corner of my eye as she did a complete turn-about behind me so she could look again.

The most angering part was as I was checking out at one place. The line I was in was right by the entrance to the store. As people walked in I could hear them as their conversations abruptly stopped and then continued once they were past me. Several other people actually scoffed and commented that I was "wrong" for what I was doing.

The saving grace of my community was one older woman I walked past on my way to my car. She had lots of time to look me over ans size me up as I walked through the parking lot. As she got to me she smiled a genuine smile and we both kept on our ways. 

This last part leads me to a further question. From the woman's smile, I could tell that she liked/approved/enjoyed what I was doing yet she didn't say anything. I know there were others in the stores who supported me (or would have supported me) as well if it came to it....yet none of them approached me or said anything. As best as I could tell, the woman who smiled didn't say anything because she was nervous about what to say to me. Afraid she had misjudged me perhaps? Regardless of whether I was purposely playing with gender or if I were just an underdeveloped girl, why should she have felt afraid of saying hello? I don't bite!

A Little Boy Lost In The Woods

Once upon a time in a fairy kingdom far away there lived a little boy. I say little because he was smaller than all the other boys in his class but he was still much bigger than the hobbits and elves and fairies from in the wood.

One day this boy had a hard day at school. He got picked on for being so small. His classmates told him he was too small to be useful for anything. So, he cried and ran into the woods. It wasn't long before he realized he was lost. It didn't matter how hard he tried to find the way out of the woods- he couldn't find the way.

In his searching, the little boy came across a hobbit who was picking strawberries. The hobbit had picked so many berries it couldn't carry them all. The boy offered to help carry them. All of the berries fit neatly into the boys cupped hands and the two walked to the hobbits house together. The hobbit pointed the way out of the woods and the boy continued on.

Soon, he came across an elf who was stuck under a fallen tree and couldn't get out. The little boy was able to pick up the sapling and the elf got out. Again, the boy was pointed to the way out and on he went.

Just when he thought he was getting out of the forest, the boy heard a cry for help. A fairy had flown into a spiders web that was up between two trees. The little boy was too short to reach the web and he thought he was no good. But the fairy talked to him. The fairy said that we are all really only as small as we feel and that the boy could do whatever he wanted to- he just had to try. The boy wasn't too sure but he wanted to help the fairy. So he closed his eyes and imagined he could reach the fairy. He couldn't believe it! The little boy could feel the fairy's hand grabbing his finger! The fairy was free! Theo boy opened his eyes to see how he did it but all he saw was the fairy in front of him and the spiders web still way up high.

The fairy winked and pointed out to the boy how he had been big enough to help the hobbit and the elf and that he just needed to remember he was as good as any of the other boys. It doesn't matter how little of how big we are. The important part is how little or how big we feel. The fairy gave the boy a kiss and at last the boy was shown the way back home. From that day on it never bothered him when the kids picked on him for being small. He felt proud of what he did and what could do and that made him big.

(This story a product of sleep deprivation and the provokation of a friend. The author takes no responsibility for any incoherence or repetition that might or might not be present. Some viewers may find this subject matter to be offensive. If you are one of them, I feel sorry for you and I wish you many blessings as you search for the start to your journey of personal development.)

Daybreak of a New Me

And when the morning dew hath settled, 
Then shall the sun arise. 
And I shall be a new day, 
For I hath found a new way. 
With the sweet aroma of blooming love, 
So too groweth hope and trust. 
Find faith for all is good,
And all is peaceful,
And all is beautiful.

So Much Negativity...

A good friend and I were recently talking about positive and negative influences in our daily lives. We concluded that we allare constantly getting so many negative messages all the time but unless we consciously seek them out, so few positive messages. 
I was driving home from work today after going to my company health offices for a TB test (mandatory annual check). This got me thinking more about the positive vs. negative messages we get all the time. 
What is going on that the desired outcome of a doctors visit is to be proclaimed negative? To elaborate- any time you visit any kind of medical/health provider and are given a diagnosis as positive it means you have a virus, a disease, a disorder, or an affliction of some kind. How is that positive??? That sounds pretty negative to me. Yet when we are told our test results came out negative its supposed to be a good thing? WE ALL WANT TO BE TOLD WE ARE NEGATIVE AND THEN WE WONDER WHY OUR LIVES ARE SO GLOOMY, DEPRESSING, HATEFUL AND/OR ANGRY.

So, when I go in on Friday to have the follow-up reading on my TB test I'm going to proudly walk out that door and proclaim that I had a positive testing experience and a positive test result- I'm TB free!!

Me

I'm a dreamer who hopes to one day realize my highest wishes. I ache for Truth, for peace, for a working reality. I'm the type of person who is alive...inside....not just out. This life pushes me to find others and help them wake up too. My story is one filled with sadness and sorrow, one riddled with pain...but it hasn't stopped me from living and from loving. It gives me something to learn and grow from; something to help me heal. I'm the kind of person that some might find too reserved although on the inside and often on the outside I am quite active and excited and full of dance and motion. Alot of times, I'm very realistic but the dreamer in me always gets the better of that. I'm not alive to please other people. I'm not alive to coddle people and make them feel better about themselves. I'm alive to fulfill my destiny- to know my Truth. And if I help someone on the way, then I will have filled a part of who I am and done some extra good.. I will not bow to anyone else's will or desire. I will not let someone else determine my life and my perception. I will see things how I want to see them. I see life, I see beauty. I see passion. Don't dare try and take that away from me. Yes, I have had my share of failures. Yes, I will have more as I go. No, that won't stop me from living. I will still express joy with life. Yes, there will be times when I struggle and am worn out- but that won't stop me from reaching out to help someone else. It won't stop me from continuing on with my purpose. A final destination will be reached- it is being reached every moment. My dreams will come true and I will know Me. Its my dreams that pull me through the rough times and my dreams that keep my alive. Its my dreams that allow me to walk a road alone and not be lonely....

Friends To Remain

There are times when everything is dark and it never will end,

As if the precious light Heaven is refusing to send.

 

Depression becomes easy as we fall to the dirt,

All life and all love have turned into hurt.

 

Hurt turns to hate and big it does grow,

Where it will end we can never know.

 

Void of strength we lay on our side,

From painful emotions we want to hide.

 

Everything negative gets put under lock,

Our very life it just seems to mock.

 

At night we toss and at night we turn,

For there's a life lesson we have yet to learn.

 

Often it seems we're at the end of our road,

That's when a friend comes along to lighten our load.

 

They've come to offer their hand and their heart,

We feel lighter- it's a start- it's a start!

 

With love comes the light and darkness does lift,

Through broken emotions we finally are able to sift.

 

The big lesson becomes easy to see,

Love is much needed in the life of you and of me.

 

Be it in time or be it in space,

In my heart you always have a little place.

 

Into mine I'll take your hand,

That we might walk to a better land.

 

And though together we might not always be,

Friends to remain always are we.

A Dream

It was a clear night; the stars were shining. The earth was bathed in moonlight. It was one of those nights when you could feel an energy in everything around you- an energy that seemed to give everything an odd appearance. Void of clear light, objects still appeared in color; just not their "real" colors. There were old trees that shone of a yellow light, gravel that glowed a pale blue. Small vines gave off a red hue while their flowers cast an intense violet. The stars all twinkled, but not how they normally do. Tonight the stars seemed to be blinking on and off as if hyper-stimulated. A sweet scent drifted across the light breeze...a scent of no description other than pure joy and love.

I was walking down a railroad track, skipping from railroad tie to tie. I hummed a soft song to myself as I went along- but the song had no tune. It had no words. It just floated out of me as a song that just is. The farther I went the brighter all the colors became and the more intense the energy. I felt high, as if I was floating rather than stepping on the Earth.

After hours of euphoria I came to a clearing across a river. In the clearing there sat the white outline of a being. They were radiating light and energy. As I stood and watched, two dark figures crept up upon the being of light and in an instant there was nothing. Everything became dark. All colors faded, the air stood still, the moon darkened, all the stars seemed to have gone out. I could feel a drain in the energy from everything around me...and a drain of energy from me. I no longer felt joyous. And I felt no love. Anger began to swell up within me. Anger towards those dark figures.

As I stood there with my blood beginning to boil, I saw a single star shine brightly and begin to twinkle and dance. My anger gave way and I was moved to tears. The star reminded me that I still had life within me and I felt compassion for the white being that was gone and for the dark figures who knew not what they had extinguished. Upon this realization, every tear that fell from my face glowed with a dull blue light. I felt love moving from deep inside of me as it pushed out of me and into the world. I saw the colors return to my surroundings and I saw the stars and moon come out again.

The more my world was bathed in life and colors the more I understood that I wasn't dependant on the hope of meeting that figure of light who had sat across the river from me. I understood that I was that figure of light; had always been. The deeper I understood that, the more I realized that I was surrounded by figures of light. The world became a blur as everything faded into the bright light of all the beings surrounding me. My feet again lifted off the ground and I soared into the night sky... I became a beacon of light, though others might have only thought it was a shooting star.

Looking For Boots

SO, a couple weeks ago I took a female friend of mine out shopping. We went looking for boots. Rather, I went looking for boots; my friend was there to add to the sales confusion. But not just any boots. I was looking for women's stiletto boots that come up to your knees. You might laugh and ask yourself why I was looking for women's boots...but I ask back, "Why not?" I guess I should also clarify that my purpose wasn't really in getting the boot (although that would be a positive addition to my day if I did). I was going to see the reaction of the stores I shopped in.

First, I went to the shoe section of Filenes. I asked the salesperson for a specific boot in my size.When he came back from checking he said that Filenes didn't have any in the size asked for. I might add that he told that to my female friend. The salesperson then asked several other questions and offered other options; again, all directed at my friend even though I was the one answering the questions. I left bootless and even more interested in how the next place would react.

Next, I went to The Shoe Dept. While there I found a boot I was interested in and found a size just smaller than mine. A sales attendant walked by the aisle I was sitting in while trying to squeeze into the boot. She very quickly shuffled off to somewhere else. While I was still trying to get the boot on, a woman came into the aisle, went for the same type of boot I had and saw me. She huffed, looked disgusted and left the store. Again, I left without a boot.

Last, I went into Famous Footwear and asked to be directed to the boots I wanted. The two attendants were there alone and were very helpful in getting me to the aisle I needed. While I looked at the boots and tried on a couple pairs, my friend wandered around looking at sneakers. I could audibly hear the two attendants across the store whispering about me. They checked in on me once and then returned to their corner where a fresh round of giggles and whispers could be heard coming from. As I left I commented  to my friend about my disappointment in not finding the boot I wanted. Of course, I said it loud enough to be heard by the attendants and again I heard the murmers of their gossip as I walked out the door.

In the end, I didn't find the boots I wanted (at least not that fit me) but I did find that so many people are so uncomfortable with anything outside the ordinary. Why should it cause embarassment for someone when another person other than a woman tries on women's boots?