Rejecting ideas of gender...

Today, I made a break through in terms of the gender dichotomy. For those who don't know, I absolutely hate the belief that there are only two genders when, in fact, there are numerous others.

Today while at my town's Public Library, I was next in line at the front desk and the lady (yes, I know- I gendered this library staff member) behind the desk asked me, "Can I help you Miss?"

Now, you should know that I wasn't in drag. I wasn't in a dress. I wasn't wearing makeup. I didn't have my hair in pigtails or braids. I didn't stuff my shirt for the appearance of having cleavage. I was dressed as I normally do. I had on a plain sweater and blue jeans with a scarf.

After I spoke, the librarian (again...a gendered term.... we need some gender neutral words for people and their professions) very quickly apologized for calling me "Miss" and was very visibly flustered. I laughed and told her it was ok and proceeded with my purpose for going to the library. She wouldn't let it go. She had to come up with an elaborate story about having something in her eye all day and about not being able to see correctly. (An obvious lie as I had just observed her helping several other people and she had absolutely no problem seeing what she was doing or in finding small print on papers for them.)

So, this all brings up several important questions.

1- Why did she feel the need to go to such great lengths to apologize for and excuse her percieved incorrect use of gender identifying titles?

2- If gender labeling is so important to how people intereact with other people, and if I wasn't trying to confuse anyone about my gender then how did she make the "mistake" she did?

I mean, such a large part of our personal interactions deals with "correctly" assigning a gender to everyone we come in contact with. Ambiguity causes discomort with most people. So, we become experts as labeling people as one gender or the other (yes- I purposely stated this as a dichotomy). I wasn't purposely trying to cause ambiguity. Yes, I was wearing a scarf and yes the sweater I was wearing was maroon (both things are given the norm as being female, more often than not) but still. I could have done so much more to cause confusion. IF WE ARE ALL SUCH EXPERTS AND ITS SO IMPORTANT- THEN WHY DID SHE "MESS UP"????

My thought is that gender doesn't really matter. The only reason so much importance is placed on it is because of patriarchal heteronormativity. To explain, gender becomes important in maintaining social stratification. Gender is stressed so that men know who the other men are (and what men are "supposed to be") and so that women know they aren't men. These points become "important" when it comes time to hand out professions and wages. These points also become important when it comes time to choose a mate. The creation of gender labels is paramount to the ability for a man to easily seek out a woman and reproduce. It allows for an easy view of who is (supposedly) dominant and who isn't. This also clues into why gay men are stigmatized so much. Its because they choose to ignore some of the rules of gender. (Also note that lesbians aren't as stigmatized because in this male-dominated culture, what women do, so long as it doesn't interfere with men, doesn't matter.)

So, lessons that can be drawn from all this? Well, I could give some- but that wouldn't leave much room for all of you to add in your opinions. Also, I don't think I'm in a position to be teaching lessons yet- give me a few years on that. I definitely don't have the answers. This all actually was only meant to just be the story- I didn't mean to go off on the lecture.

Regardless, please create discussion!!!